Mom scolds me " shameless " , imprint in my brain like graduating with cutter.
"My parents is college professor, the thought is very conservative, interact in the men and women especially respect. I am 8 years old before is a happy girl. When 56 years old, produced a job, changed my lifetime. A day, I follow two to play with my euqally big boy, a boy says to play disrobe game, I also do not know is what game, those two boys took off the dress first, let me take off next, I just took off the dress, see mother runs, annoy extremely, high-handed hit me two a slap on the face, scold ferociously still: You how so shameless.
"Return the home, mom told dad this thing, father is very angry also. I do not know I made what mistake at that time, but parental manner, especially mom scolds my shameless that word, the ground like graduating with cutter imprints in my brain, think now, still feel afflictive. They are rigorouslied control to me later, any things that concern with relation of male and female, do not let me contact. On TV screen if appear the camera lens with close men and women, mom lets me close an eye, formed conditional reflex later, encounter in that way setting, I close a key point self-consciously or go away; The newspaper in the home, it is ' disinfect ' pass; If they see I come home together with male fellow student, can criticize me sharply. My bicycle is once bad, a male fellow student helps my repairing, father just right is transient, scolded that male fellow student, that classmate was walked along by gas, I feel particularly abashed at that time, wish to commit suicide calculated.
"First 2, the female classmate on the class looks fine jade the novel that precious jade, I hear that is love novel, do not look self-consciously. Once, a female classmate just filled in to fine jade the book that precious jade gives me originally, I bring back the home to look stealthily, the result is discovered by mom, she tore the book angrily, I feel my heart by lacerate.
"Because I follow the girl's association to also be restricted (be afraid of be taken bad) , so I have more time study. But my study efficiency is not tall. Sit over occasionally, also cannot focus attention a long time, there all are a few farfetched issues in brain.
"Second year in high school, dark love a classmate. Have one session, thinking him momently almost. Very envy other schoolgirl, talk cheerfully and humourously before him, I am no good however, do not know to say what is good before him; Also be afraid that pa Mom knows, will tell to them, but collapse with the day,love early like coming down. When the interest that pair of schoolboys appear in my heart, mom says me " shameless " if appear in brain come, let me feel special humiliate.
"Went to an university, I begin to try to establish a relationship with the classmate, interact actively with classmate of male and female, but the result is bad. After passing a lot of human conflict, produced present symptom.
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